Care package

First, I just want to say thank you for all the warm wishes — I’m so touched by the love and support we have received. It makes me even more weepy, if that is possible. I’m also touched by the generosity of Gladney families – what an incredible community. Several families have looked through their photographs from when they were in-country to see if they had any of our boy (so far no luck there). I emailed Angie, who is in Ethiopia right now, and she is going to take pictures for us. And, Michele has graciously offered to take a care package for us! Several months ago, Ethiopia Mama suggested we buy a baby blanket and stuffed animal and keep it in the house so it would smell like us and then send it to Ethiopia after we received a referral. Well, we’re very lucky that Michele is leaving on Saturday to get her son and will bring our package. We’re sending a blanket, photo album, stuffed animal and a camera memory card so Michele can snap some photos for us. I cried while boxing up the package and then I cried again at the post office. Which was a little embarrassing. It feels incredible to be able to send him something. I hope he knows that he has a mommy and daddy who love him very much.

The Call

Sorry for the delay in posting the details of “the call” but I’ve been a blubbering mess since Friday. Without further delay, this is how it all went down:

Chris had a conference to attend in Columbus (an hour from our house) on Friday and I decided to ride down with him and spend the day with his parents. I almost said to him “Will you check your voicemail or can you put your phone on vibrate?” in case “the call” came but then I thought, who am I kidding, the call is not going to come the day after we entered the window.

So, he dropped me off at his parents’ house and his mom and I were getting ready to leave and do some shopping when my phone rang. My heart raced as I dug my phone out of my purse (of course this wasn’t easy to do with shaking hands). It was my hairdresser confirming my appointment on Tuesday. I thought to myself: I’ve got to calm down because I can’t hyperventilate every time the phone rings for the next two months.

I will admit that I’d been thinking about my hair appointment on Tuesday and wondered what would I do if the call came in the middle of my haircut? Would I tell him to finish or run off?

I went shopping with my mother-in-law and we came home around 2pm. At 2:19, my phone rang and I went through the whole heart pounding, shaking hand ordeal again. The screen said “Unknown” and I seriously couldn’t breathe. The conversation went something like this:

Me (shaky voice): Hello?
Jessica: Is this Shasta?
Me (holding breath): Yes.
Jessica: It’s Jessica from The Gladney Center.
Me (trembling): Hi, Jessica.
[what felt like a very long pause wherein I thought: Jessica, you better tell me why you’re calling right now before I pass out.]
Jessica: I’ve got some good news for you.
Me: [undecipherable scream]

Jessica knew that Chris works an hour away from our house and said she would wait for me to call her back. I told her that I’d call her back in a few minutes because today, of all days, he was down the street from me!

I told my in-laws that “the call” had come. At this point I think I was in a state of shock because I was completely calm. I tried to call Chris and he didn’t answer his phone so I put on my raincoat and grabbed my purse so we could go get him. My in-laws reminded me that he would be home in thirty minutes and thought I should just wait. I looked at them like they were nuts. Wait another thirty minutes? I called Chris again and this time he answered. I said, “Come home right now. The call has come.” Then I called Jennifer and she thought I was eerily calm so she freaked out on my behalf. She couldn’t believe I didn’t at least ask if it was a girl or a boy but I had promised Chris I wouldn’t ask for any information.

Five minutes later Chris was home and we all went upstairs to turn on his parents’ computer. We put Jessica on speakerphone and she sent us the email. I opened the first photograph and burst into tears. I really don’t remember any of the conversation after that.

I know, I know – you want to know about the baby, right? Well, he’s absolutely the most beautiful boy ever. He’s 11 months old and has beautiful brown eyes, sweet little lips and wonderfully arched eyebrows. I wish you could all see a picture of him but we’re not allowed to post photos or his Ethiopian name (which we plan on keeping) until we’ve made it through court. He’s described as “a laid-back, cautious little boy” who “takes a little while to get to know someone new.” He certainly looks like he’s thinking a lot in the photos we have of him.

I still can’t believe that the call came at 3 months and 1 day. And what were the chances that it would come when we were at my in-laws’ house? We’re never there on a workday. It was neat that we all got to share the experience together. We celebrated with dinner and showed the photographs to anyone who would look.

Neither one of us can go more than a few minutes without looking at the photographs of him. It’s just crazy to think that this darling little boy is waiting halfway around the world for us. I’m prone to burst into tears every few hours, just thinking about it. I’m very, very happy. It’s been a long road for us but once I saw his sweet little face, I knew it was all worth it.

Window Day!

Today marks 3 months of waiting for a referral. So, what does this mean? This means that “the call” could come any day now! Gladney estimates most referrals come within a window of 3-5 months. Of course, we’re hoping for closer to 3 than 5. The first three months of waiting sailed by and I’m hoping that the remaining days/weeks do the same. I know one thing for sure: I will not be far from my cell phone now.

School’s Out for Summer!

This is probably the only time in life when I think Alice Cooper says it best. I was as excited yesterday as these two kids:

I did, of course, contain my excitement until my final grades were turned in, my office tidied up and I was out of the building.

Now, for awhile at least, I’m a Lady of Leisure. Or a Lady Who Lunches. The big question is: what am I going to do all day, everyday? I thought I’d start by making my way through The Norton Anthology of Short Fiction and trying out some new recipes. I need to keep busy or the waiting will be unbearable.

Any other ideas?

A Day at the Farm

On Thursday, I went to Traders Point Creamery with my friend Nicole and her 2-year old son, Preston. We enjoyed an organic, fresh lunch at their cafe and then walked around the grounds, meeting the free-range chickens and some calves. It was fun watching Preston and seeing what he thought of the farm — this boy has an awesome vocabulary and I can’t wait to see how he scores on the SAT. During lunch he kept asking when we were going to see the cows. I told him the cows were napping which actually turned out to be true (later, Chris suggested that lying was probably not the best parenting technique). After the farm, we walked over to the playground in my neighborhood. I even went down the slide (well, after Nicole removed a spider). At the end of the day, I was exhausted but I suspect Preston could have kept going. I do hope I can keep up with my child when he gets here!

Breaking Bread

I had the pleasure of breaking bread (or tearing injera) with old and new friends recently. The first was with Chloe, fellow Sarah Lawrence alumna and dear friend. I went out to NJ to visit — we sat on a conference panel together and I did a reading at her school (a clever way for her school to pay for half of my trip and my school to pay for the other half!). We went into NYC for an afternoon and had fun strolling around the MOMA. I was a bit skeptical about whether some of the exhibits should qualify as art and I kept repeating “I could have done that.” Chloe, quite rightly, replied, “But you didn’t.” She studied art history at Smith and made for an excellent museum guide although I suspect she was exasperated with me by the end. Afterwards, we dined at Queen of Sheba and ordered way more than we could consume.

Then Chris and I had the pleasure of meeting Jennifer and Jody. It was so fun to meet my new blog buddy in person. Jennifer and Jody are a delightful couple and I think we’ll all be BFF. They gave us a wonderful book called “Whoever You Are” which has a great multi-cultural message. We can’t wait to read it to our child.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friends today – the old ones and the new ones. I sang (I use this word loosely) a bit of that song “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold” to Chris today. He had never heard it before! I learned it as a Brownie but surely it’s in wider release than Brownie troops? It’s a corny line but true. I feel lucky to have such great friends – both the old and new.

Diaper Bags

Friday afternoon I got a bee in my bonnet that I needed a diaper bag right away. I spent a few hours window-shopping online and by the time Chris called me on his way home from work, I could only say one thing: I need a Petunia Picklebottom. “You need a who?” he asked. I had fallen in love with their vintage-looking tweed fabric, not to mention the adorable name (I have to admit that the names of things influence my paint and lipstick purchases as well).

Chris was a real sport to drive to a store in Zionsville with me on Friday afternoon so I could check out Petunia Picklebottom in person. I had called to verify the store hours and that they carried the line. A saleswoman pointed me in the right direction and said the diaper bags were 50% off. I said, “I’m sorry, how much off?” She repeated: fifty percent.

Sadly, I did not care for the Petunia Picklebottoms in person. The fabrics were a bit loud and the bags felt unstructured and had too much velcro. Nevertheless, I spent nearly an hour in the store debating between some models of another brand: DanteBeatrix. Of course, I loved the literary nod of this company’s name and was thrilled to see that they had included a pen pocket in the bag (only later to find out the pocket was for spoons — spoons? — will I really need to carry spoons around in my bag?).

The saleswomen tried to help me decide – one bag was clearly too big for me, as much as I wanted it. The second bag I was ready to purchase until one saleswoman brought out a Vera Bradley bag and tried to sell me on that because it’s washable. No offense to the Vera Bradley fans but it’s just not my style. I don’t want a purse that can go in the washing machine (and looks like a quilt) and let’s face it, a diaper bag is essentially a new purse.

I returned to the store on Sunday, convinced I wanted the big bag. I do, afterall, want to be one of the overly-prepared moms. You need an umbrella? Here it is. You need an apple? Got it. You want a blanket? Covered. You want spoons? Oh yeah, I got that. Surprisingly, the bag was still too big for me.

Before heading to bed on Sunday night, I looked at BabyBargains.com to see what deals had been posted on the message board. One of the deals was for a Fleurville Re-Run Messenger Diaper Bag – on sale online for $45! It’s a trimmer version of their popular “MotherShip” bag (gotta love that name). So, here is my new diaper bag:

And the best thing? The bag is made from recycled plastic and each bag keeps 10 plastic bottles from a landfill.

Double-tagged…

I’ve been tagged – twice! Thanks, Jen and Angie! Okay, below are ten random things about me, in no particular order.

1. I love to bake. Cupcakes are my specialty. One of my prized possessions is a KitchenAid stand mixer in pink. There’s something really relaxing about baking. Here are two cakes I made – the carrots and penguins are made out of marzipan (that stuff is awesome, although time consuming).

2. I love to entertain. It is not, however, as relaxing as baking. Here is a picture from Easter two years ago:

3. I love high heels. Absolutely love them. Especially with jeans. And the higher the better. As Carrie Bradshaw said, “Put me up in the big gal shoes.”

4. I miss New England.

5. I watch soap operas (namely The Young and the Restless and Guiding Light but occasionally the ones in between them as well). When I was little, as soon as my grandmother went down for her afternoon nap, I would snap the TV on, turn the volume down super low and sit inches away from the set in order to watch The Young and the Restless, which I was not allowed to watch.

6. I like vintage things. Especially table linens and tableware.

7. In gym class, I was the girl who ran away from the ball. One time we were playing floor hockey and I actually scored a goal – I couldn’t believe it and was so excited. Except it turned out I scored for the wrong team. Oops.

8. I have never picked up a bug, a spider, a salamander, a mouse, or anything of the like. Yeah, I’m that girl too.

9. I’m not very patient. When I want something, I want it now. The adoption waiting is very difficult for me. I’m working on this. I hear patience is a useful virtue for parents.

10. I don’t like movies that were made before, let’s say, 1985. Unless they star Audrey Hepburn.

Now I get to tag some folks! Here are the rules:

Share 10 things about yourself, and then choose 5 people to tag. “Tag” them in their comments section, and be sure to tell them the reason you chose them. Direct them to your blog to get the full details. You can’t tag the person who tagged you. As a courtesy to the person who tagged you, please let them know when you have posted so they can have the sheer delight and extra work load of reading your answers.

The lucky bloggers are: my husband, Erica, Gretchen and Michael & Jana.

Positive Adoption Language

Last year we went to a Transracial/Transcultural Adoption Training Seminar sponsored by St. Elizabeth Coleman (actually, I went twice — Chris couldn’t come the first time so my dear friend Steven accompanied me and I gotta say, that’s a pretty good friend to spend the better part of a day at this seminar and, believe it or not, he loved it – we both did and couldn’t stop talking about it for days). For anyone who hasn’t attended this training and lives in the Indianapolis area, I highly recommend it. It’s also where I met adoption friends Erica and Gretchen & Brandon.

I thought I would share this list of positive adoption language from the training presenter, Katrina Carlisle (it’s also in her book “Adoption for Dummies”). One of the most interesting things she said was to always put adoption in the past tense – it’s a one day occurrence, not an ongoing event.

Positive Language                                         Negative Language

Birthparent                                                     Real parent or natural parent

Birth child                                                     Own child, real child, natural child

My child                                                         My adopted child

Born to unmarried parents                         Illegitimate

Make an adoption plan                                 Give up, give away, put up for adoption

Decide to parent her baby                         Keeping her baby

International adoption                             Foreign adoption

Adoption triad                                             Adoption triangle

Child in need of a family                             Unwanted child

Unplanned pregnancy                                 Unwanted pregnancy

Could not conceive or could not                 Could not have children

      carry a pregnancy

Parent                                                                Real parent

(I heard a story on NPR a few months ago about adoption. Someone had asked a school-age girl if she had ever met her “real” mother. The girl replied “No. Have you?” Now there’s a smart cookie!)

What Team Are You On?

Today we were re-fingerprinted at The Department of Homeland Security. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost 15 months since we were there before, preparing to adopt from China. I have such a sense of peace about our decision to change countries. And excitement. It feels like this is what we were always meant to do, we just didn’t know it yet and had to take a detour to get here.

For those of you who are wondering: yes, we wore our t-shirts today. And yes, we are dorks.